Balanced Parenting: Not as Easy as You Think

Two Approaches to Parenting

Kayde and I in 2011

 

            Becoming a parent is one of life’s greatest joys, but can also be terrifying.  Raising a child in today’s world has become more of a job than a rite of passage. There are two approaches that most parents end up using.  Both approaches have their own consequences while raising a child into adulthood.   The differences between a strict parent and a permissive parent are not as apparent as some may suspect, considering the child’s environment, discipline, and type of adult they will become.

            Let’s start with how each parent controls their child’s environment.  A strict parent tends to set strong boundaries, where as a permissive parent is more relaxed and lets their child have more range of freedom.  Strict parents want their child to live setting goals that can be attained in a set time frame.  Permissive parents allow their children to choose the goals they want to set and whether or not they are attained.   Strict parents try to prepare theirchild for life, but a permissive parent wants to protect their child from the bad things in life.

            The need for boundaries and rules are clear while raising children.  Each approach must understand that throughout childhood, discipline is needed.  While strict parents may not always explain the rules, their children know exactly where they stand on the boundaries.  Permissive parents do not like the thought of their child having to face a punishment or a life consequence.  Strict parents allow the punishment to teach a lesson, whereas a permissive parent does not allow their child to face such a disappointment. 

            With either style of parenting there are all different types of punishments that can be used.  Strict parents set clear rules with an even clearer punishment.  In contrast, permissive parents do not set clear rules with little to no punishment. Every child has different needs just like every child needs a different set of rules.  Strict parents use more of a natural consequences form of discipline; on the other hand, permissive parents want to shield their children from failure or consequences. 

 While raising their children, both parent models will start to see what type of adult their child will become through each style of parenting.  Each approach has a different effect on a child’s psyche.  Most of the time this is not the issue most parents think about during their child’s early life.  Each parent wants to prepare their child, as best they know how, for life ahead.  The transition from childhood to adulthood is not black and white; it has a lot of gray.  Those gray areas are the parts of parenthood that make it into the transition of adulthood.  Raising a child that can handle adulthood without many issues is not an easy task.

            Let’s face it; children grow to become adults eventually.  Each approach to raising children will create a different mindset in adulthood.  Having a strict parent during childhood, children tend to be more direction driven.  They have less self-expression and require someone to point them down each path they take.  Meanwhile, a child with a permissive parent will lack self-control and may become egocentric.  Permissive children think the world revolves around them all of the time.  Most children have issues with either style of parenting, no matter which approach is right or wrong. 

            In the end, each style carries its own pros and cons.  Raising well-balanced children is the same as walking through a mine field without ever stepping on a mine. Mistakes are going to be made.  Every child has a different need that one approach may fit or the other may be required for a certain situation.  There is not a set guideline to perfect parents, that is because they do not exist.   No matter which approach is used, remember to try and balance each approach based on the child’s needs.  Both approaches can be used within certain boundaries that are adjusted to each child.  No two children are alike; therefore finding the right balance of these methods is a key ingredient to the success of raising a well-rounded adult.